Can queer and straight kids be in the same friend groups? Is that comfortable? Is that healthy?

[Groups of friends with queer and straight friends is more common now,] “but the straight boys often dominate the group. They feel the burden of the myth of expertise and in their displays end up discouraging LGBT friends from strongly affiliating with group. The straight gender roles are too strongly defined for those who don’t feel they fit on those ends of the spectra. [Queer kids] need to create more social spaces for themselves [where these gender roles are more flexible] so they self-separate from the mixed group even if the straight boys say they like them and feel comfortable with them in their group.” – RE

“There were no barriers to mixed friend groups at my school. Because it’s all boys, everything is desexualized. The usual hanging out, sitting on each other’s laps, piling on each other to fit all the friends in tight spaces or other horsing around is all easy. You don’t have to be all macho in front of the girls. There’s no value in that behavior so there’s very little of it. “ – PO

“My friends are mostly straight guys and bi or lesbian girls, not other gay guys. We make jokes and have the normal banter. I am not uncomfortable in the hetero world, but it’s not that divided anymore. Most of my friends and I didn’t end up going to our prom, as it happened, but my straight friends asked me matter-of-factly if I was bringing a boy. i am grateful that it can be so normal to them.” – AA

“I am cautious of girls who want gay friends just because they want a “Sex in the City” life, and sort of spend time with you to be able to check that off the list.” – PO

“Yes, I see it more and more at younger ages. By high school it’s common. Teenage guys don’t care as much about their friends’ orientation, and even sometimes find it ego-pumping to be attractive to another guy.” -SQ


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