Do you know any transpeople? Meet Nicole.

NicoleMost of us are cis-gendered, whether we know that term or not. That means that our idea of our own gender is never questioned, by us or by anyone else. These days gender expectations are looser than they were in the past; my son can wear hot pink cleats and only get questions about the Susan G Komen Fund, and I can admit to just loving the brawny decisiveness of an air stapler (come on, “ka-chonk,” you know what I’m talking about). But these expanded limits don’t send much of a wake to rock our sense of whether we are boys or girls. So it can be hard to imagine what a transperson feels; how can you have a similarly solid sense that doesn’t match what the doctor said at our birth? And since the “rules” for gender expression are expanding, can’t transpeople just be tomboyish girls or sensitive guys and leave it at that?

As I think about the North Carolina bathroom law, comments from people like Governor Pat McCrory (“a basic expectation of privacy… in a restroom”) and Ted Cruz hinting of rape and assault dangers from transpeople, I wonder how many Americans have never met one. Or, more correctly, met an out transperson. (I bet you have met more than one and never suspected.) How many of us cis-people have really listened to their stories?  If you have not had a real human-to-human conversation with a transperson, I invite you to meet Nicole Maines. I wish you can one day meet her in real life, but in the meantime you can get to know her via her autobiographical TEDx talk.

She’s pretty famous for having won a civil suit against her elementary school district for forcing her to stop using the girls’ bathroom, and she has been in magazines and on TV, but the real reason you should see her TEDx talk is not her celebrity: it’s that she is a very real, down-to-earth young lady. And once you hear her tell her story, it’s easy to understand what the real “common sense” and “privacy interests” mean. Once you know a person… the differences lose their ability to scare. Meet a transperson, and let him or her pee in peace.

Persistent, consistent, and insistent: how to tell the difference between gender-expansive and transgender

Many kids who stretch or defy gender norms are doing just that, even if part of the stretching includes changing how they talk about their gender. Some will “settle” into* more typical gender dressing and behaviors, some will forever be “tomboyish” girls or “sensitive” boys, and some will be transgender. How can you tell the difference?  We want do the right parental things: protect kids from preventable harm, prepare them for unavoidable difficulties, support development of noble character, and love them wholly. But how we do those things depends partly on which group we expect the kid to end up in.

Jean Malpas, director of the Ackerman Institute’s Gender and Family Project, offered an elegantly useful explanation in an interview today on NPR’s “Morning Edition,”

Just about all kids explore gender and gender roles, but what’s different, psychologically, for children who come to the conclusion that they’re not comfortable with their biological sex?

Yes, gender fluidity and exploration of gender roles is a normal phase of child development. What’s different for transgender children is that they experience a profound distress about the gender that was assigned to them based on their biological sex. So, we call that gender dysphoria.

And that distress is what we call persistent, consistent and insistent. It’s persistent over time. It’s not something that just shows up for a few weeks and goes away. It’s consistent in different contexts and relationships. And it’s also very insistent. They are very, very passionate about it. It’s not something that they take lightly or that is going to go away again in a few weeks. It is really core to who they are.

* I almost wrote “settle for more typical gender dressing and behaviors.” Surely to some, the settling feels like a choice or need to stop spending the energy required to answer the offensive questions, ignore the hurtful comments and establish credibility in the face of first-impression judgments. This makes me sad to think about. If more of us comfortably cis-gendered people pushed the norm limits once in awhile, would that mean we all had to “settle for” our roles a little less?

“Where Gay Americans Choose to Live and Why:” NY Times analyzes Gallup poll

Same-sex marriage laws sweep across states like a brushfire, sometimes leading and sometimes lagging LGBTQ migration. Or so it seems from this recent New York Times article by Claire Cain Miller and David Leonhardt, which analyzes data from Gallup surveys, compared to a map of same-sex marriage by the Human Rights Campaign. Among the surprises: Salt Lake City ekes past L.A. in rate of LGBT residents; San Jose and Pittsburgh have lower rates than the national Gallup-reported rate of 3.6% of adults identifying as LGBT.  As is so often the case, transgender Americans are lumped in with non-heterosexuals as though all the issues in their decisions about a home community are the same, which of course is not so. But leaving that aside, this survey data has several surprises.

The difference between the “gayest” city (San Francisco, at 6.2% of the population) and the “least gay”, Birmingham at 2.6%, is a wider gulf than I might have expected. Gallup did not include data for rural areas, which might have been even  more dramatically lower than Birmingham.

Interestingly, higher rates of LGBT residents does not perfectly correlate with same-sex marriage laws, or other legal protections. Salt Lake City is in a state with legal same-sex marriage, but also with a new “religious freedom” law that seems to protect some forms of discrimination. Austin TX and New Orleans LA both outrank Miami and New York City, despite being in states with same-sex marriage bans. Birmingham ranks lowest of metro areas surveyed, but Alabama has same-sex marriage (very recently and facing challenges from its Chief Justice).

As a parent, why does this matter to me? Will my kids, or their friends, sub-optimize a career decision because of less-friendly geography? We can’t just assume that they can pursue their dreams anywhere they want to be with an equal playing field of challenges. Yet, anyway.

 

Wild Ambassadors for Transpeople

Intersex is not confined to humans. A recent Wall Street Journal feature by Kevin Helliker described “the highlight of anything I will ever do” for North Carolina hunter Chuck Rorie: an 8-point doe. Biologists believe the incidence of intersex deer is “from one in 5,000 to far fewer than one in 10,000,” making them rarer than intersex humans, if both estimates are accurate. But life is hard when you are unusual: “Anecdotal reports suggest that antlered does are outcasts, wary of bucks and ostracized by other does, which tend to run in small packs. ‘The does were running from it, like they thought it was a buck,’ Rorie said of the antlered doe he shot.

2014 saw 4 reports of antlered does taken by hunters, one shot by a 72-year old Arkansas grandmother. (You go, girl.) Her son plans to have the entire specimen preserved as an example of gender diversity in nature. “‘It opens my eyes,” said Byrd, an Arkansas farmer. “If this can happen to an animal, I can’t see why it can’t happen to people as well.’ “

It’s the Little Things Part 2: In Pursuit of Imperfection

The last post showed how small changes in language could be powerful signals that help open conversations, and listening for the question behind the question can help you get to the answer your kid really needs. But how do we get over our fear of sputtering to a confused stop, of making a mess in a sensitive situation? My current and recent teen interviews revealed that parental willingness to show discomfort, surprise, and a lack of knowledge actually turn out to be seeds of strength to help their kids.

 “One beautiful thing about my son is that through all these questions of mine he just kept bringing me information, articles and websites. So I would advise any parent, always be open to learning more because it is amazing what you can learn from your children.” -MS

Seeing the parents “behind the curtain,” like the struggling Wizard of Oz, is fine as long as what they see is that you are indeed trying, or even thinking about trying.

“It’s universal that kids will complain about how their parents reacted [to coming out news], but that’s ok. Don’t feel shame or guilt over your first reaction. Deal with it honestly, and then just be supportive.” – AR

“It took me 4 years between realizing that I was queer and coming out. I don’t think it will take my parents quite that long. It’s been 2 years and they may still not be fully there, but it’s ok.” -AA

“I wanted my parents to at least acknowledge that they might move from where they were to a different place, but they wouldn’t, at first. We had terrible fights. -IK

Awkward efforts may be especially valued.

“I was touched after I first came out that my parents obsessed over recommending movies with gay characters in them even if they were really bad movies. I didn’t want to watch them, or finish them if we had started, but I knew they were trying.” -EL

 “It’s kind of awkward when my boyfriend comes over. [My dad] doesn’t know how to talk to him. [Not the same as when his older sister brought home her first boyfriend.] It’s weird because he doesn’t know if he should be all guy-to-guy with him, like ‘Hey, what’s up,’ or what. I can understand how he feels because even I think it’s weird that I should have a boyfriend sometimes.” – TA

With respect to our words, is it better to wait or jump in bravely?

“Parents are always growing emotionally too. With that comes better impulse control. Parents would do well to try to sit on their own feelings and rage and just listen.” – LB

“The first time we met the boyfriend, I could tell my son was really uptight. I don’t really interrogate the boyfriends of either my daughter or my son, and I could tell when I shook his hand that he was very bright and personable. But I knew they both were nervous. I empathized! I knew my job was to try to make the boyfriend more comfortable, or at least less uncomfortable.” – MA

In too many situations, the perfect zinger to defend our kids or call someone out on bad behavior will always occur to us too late. But my sources provide a couple of possible aces for your sleeve:

“In answer to, ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ my mom jumped in and said proudly, ‘He has the most wonderful boyfriend.’ “ -PO

[In response to “She’s a dyke” or similar in an insulting tone] “”You can say, ‘So maybe she’s a lesbian but you don’t have to point that out now, or use that word.’ -SB

Some of my sources felt there was a practical benefit of parental stumbling around their kids’ gender or orientation.

“Sometimes parents’ less-than-full acceptance or slowness in coming to acceptance can actually help prepare kids for the outside world. It’s a kind of tough love.” – LB

“You don’t want to teach your child that the world is an evil place, but there are definitely people out there who will call him names or be mean, and you have to prepare a kid for that somehow.” – SH

 We don’t sugar-coat messages to our kids about the world’s expectations regarding punctuality, dress codes, job interview etiquette, the importance of human spell-checking, etc. In a closer parallel, as our kids start moving around independently, we teach them street-wise behavior to make them less-likely crime targets. But conformity to majority expectations or safe practices in these matters rarely threaten teens’ developing sense of self (despite what they may say about the stifling oppression of dress codes).

Gender and orientation, on the other hand, are central to identity. And even young kids see that heterosexual and cis-gendered are “normal” and anything else is outside the majority, even if they have not directly seen and understood homophobia. So this calls for more nuance in the “real world” prep lessons from parents.

“As parents, we have fears, but if we ask for help we can reduce the problems our kids face…. He knew I was confused but he also knew I was there for him no matter what. I think feeling your 100% support is very important for them, and then they become your support too.” -MS

“For parents who want their kids not to have such a hard life, if they know they have their parents full support it eliminates the hardest problem they’ll ever face.” -BK

 “It’s how they show the worry that matters. If you assume the world is all homophobic, you want the kid to hide it, but the message that you shouldn’t have to hide it is much better.” -KP

“It’s important to acknowledge that a lot of parents have grief, even if they are progressive. You had a dream of your kid’s life, and now it won’t be like that. My mom was completely worried that I’d be lonely and sad. She went to a PFLAG meeting [see also Keshet Parent and Family Connection], met other parents and found out that this wasn’t going to be the case. Then she became an activist.” -AR

How Does Attitude Change Happen?

A tidal wave of acceptance rolls, as same-sex marriage becomes possible in more states, and more highly visible figures (professional sports players, politicians, actors etc.) come out or are out as they rise to success. But this acceptance is far from universal, as seen in the recent legal ruling in Louisiana upholding its same-sex marriage ban. And as we have seen with respect to race discrimination, legal solutions do not magically change all behavior, never mind all minds.

Those in the more conservative/traditional branches of religion seem not yet moved by this tidal wave, but they are hearing its roar and crash. Rabbi Steven Greenberg explains, regarding Orthodox Judaism, ” As a religiously conservative lot, we tend to highlight fear and potential loss more than opportunity. Change is scary. We’re not wrong in claiming that there are prices to pay for grand moves that shift cultural resources in a flash. Orthodoxy as a culture can help us to pay attention to the unintended consequences that every normative change entails.” Given his tradition’s long history, he describes the shift he has seen “…from homosexuality being a demonic evil, to a sinful proclivity, to curable illness and finally to an aspect of the human condition” over 45 years as a relatively quick shift. (Rabbi Greenberg is founder of Eshel, an Orthodox LGBTQ support, education and advocacy organization. You can read his full blog post on Moment.)

Writer Jeffrey Essman belongs to a New York parish that is “…so welcoming as to be nearly a parody of inclusion.” Even so, “I have no problem telling people I’m gay. But it can sometimes be weird telling people I’m a Catholic. Pope Francis’ ‘Who am I to judge?’ remarks, though taken entirely out of context and wildly misinterpreted, have nonetheless reflected a welcome shift in tone. But the shift is not widespread.” (Essman’s article in US Catholic, July 2014, appeared on Susan Cottrell’s Freed Hearts blog.)

Institutional attitude change is the sum of individual attitude changes by leaders and followers. Fast or slow, what are the actions or events that prompt individual attitude change? I think there are three identifiable moments.

First comes discomfort that you can’t avoided, usually because someone who already has approval comes out, challenging the negative stereotypes. Greenberg says, “…the picture of the threatening gay person is being replaced by the lovely couple across the street raising two kids.” As Tana Hall, a therapist specializing in LGBT youth and parents, explained, “Here’s the shocking secret: the Radical Gay and Lesbian Agenda (yes, we do have one!) is to have jobs, have stable committed relationships, maybe buy a house, maybe have some kids and/or a dog, and contribute to society.”

Anyone who stayed awake in Intro Psych knows will recognize cognitive dissonance: human brains aren’t happy holding two ideas which contradict each other, and will suppress or discard one to eliminate the discomfort. But which one stays? “I like watching Ellen DeGeneres, and she has almost as many male guests as female guests” or “all lesbians are aggressive man-haters?” I think it depends a lot on Moments 2 and 3.

The coming out of someone close is Moment 2. After all, “Hollywood people” or “sports stars” or even “American Idol finalists” are not “people like us,” so what goes for them doesn’t really change what is right and wrong in the life I’ve always known… one might conclude. But as soon as someone I already care about personally – a relative, close friend, child of a close friend, trusted colleague – comes out, the cognitive dissonance comes home. Now holding on to the homophobic thought could cost a relationship I value. On the other side of the scale is the potential relationship cost of bucking the tide of others’ opinions. Say the newly out teen’s parents believe this is a phase, best swept under the carpet and countered with lots of exposure to “more positive” role models, and maybe more religious activity. Butting in, in such a situation, would be scary and lonely – which brings us to Moment 3.

Seeing others in the immediate community also showing support makes it much less lonely to let the Moment 2 scales tip. This is why small actions, including word choice, can make a big difference even if they seem insignificant in the moment.

The push in recent years within the LGBTQ communities to come out not just to your friends but in all settings, is enabling more straight people to comfortably, if imperfectly, be allies. That in turn makes it easier for more people to be out in all settings, and Moments 2 and 3 beget each other.

This momentum of individual moments 2 and 3 is why now, 45 years after the Stonewall riots, and 22 years after the first state ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation (Wisconsin) it seems that LGBTQ rights are “suddenly” happening. Same-sex marriage has gained support because straight people know personally more than 1 or 2 people at whose same-sex weddings they would love to dance – and know they won’t be alone on the dance floor.

 

It’s the Little Things: Part 1

What does it mean to be a “good parent” to a child who is questioning his or her sexuality or gender, already identifies as LGBTQ,  is somewhere in between, or who has a friend in one of these categories? Let’s say “good” in this context means helping our kids know themselves, be good friends, and make healthy decisions. Behind those outcomes is an interim outcome: we need the conversation doors to stay open, especially where things seem uncertain or uncomfortable.

We intuitively know that little things like word choice and facial expressions matter, but the right actions and reactions often don’t spring readily to mind in the moment. And – no pressure! – the stakes are kinda high. This theme emerged in the very first interview I did for this blog.

“Parents can make it a self-fulfilling prophecy: they think [their child’s life as a queer person] is going to be hard, so they don’t stand up for them when they could, and indeed, life becomes harder than it needed to be.” – TH

Yet, as Ann Falchuk noted in her recent blog post, when it’s your kid who is questioning or coming out, parents have their own coming out process to go through, from zero to understanding to advocate, on an extremely compressed schedule. When it’s your kids’ friend, figuring out how to support that that kid, your own, and their friendship is a multi-layered challenge. But my interviews with teens and former teens brought welcome news: “good” parents don’t have to be perfect. Attention to some little things, even if uneven or awkwardly done, make a big difference.

A few small signals, or invitations to open a conversation, might seem ignored in the moment but will register:

“My grandfather, who was 94 when he died, used to watch James Bond movies with me. One day, out of the blue he paused the movie and asked me what I thought of gay marriage, and said he agreed with it. My grandparents had a house on Fire Island for years (I’m still mad they sold it) and he said they had partied with gay people out there. Taking time to talk and voice support makes a huge difference. Recently I was driving out to Long Island with my dad and there was news on the radio about the Iowa Caucus. They mentioned the Republican pledge to reverse gay marriage. My dad was reading, only half paying attention, but his reflexive grunt of disapproval was really wonderful.” -PO

“My mom always said, ‘You can talk to me about anything. The most important thing is to respect your body.’ She would say that sometimes to try to spark a conversation, and I got annoyed and angry at the time, but it was actually really important. I think it’s appropriate for parents to bring their questions and concerns. In a way, I would be more offended by a parent not being honest with their reactions even if it is painful or shows prejudice.” – MS

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Even in an era when same-sex marriage is the law of the land, we should not underestimate the Mount Everest-like weight and carbon dioxide-like pervasiveness of the old expectations.

“A daughter of a two-mom family living in an LGBTQ-friendly neighborhood cam home from pre-school and asked one of her moms if she were sure she weren’t really a man. And many of her classmates had gay or lesbian parents.” – TH

And yet, making some small changes in language, even if you forget and don’t do it every time, can add up.

“Parents can make an effort to not create a hetero-normative environment, like by not asking ‘do you have a girlfriend?’ but ‘Are you seeing someone?’” -PO

“And don’t express relief when your kid reveals an interest in someone of the opposite sex. It undermines an opening for any discussion about sexual confusion, for your own kid or someone she knows.” – KW

“I am surprised sometimes by how many people are still using the word “choice,” and thereby implying that it’s a moral defect.” -BK

Taking the time to listen a little deeper can show what your kid really needs.

“The after-school program at my son’s nursery school had different leaders than the day program. I didn’t realize the difference in their attitudes. My son hated after-school because they made him go outside and play soccer with the other boys, while the girls could stay inside and play pretend games. He said he hated the whole thing, and I did not probe as to why. Not until he was 18 and out, and after I had started the Spanish-speaking parent support group [at the nursery school], did we sit down with the pre-school director who wanted to improve the school’s policies around gender expression. That was a big step in the healing process for him and for me.” -LM

“You have to pay careful attention to the question that’s really being asked, which is often, ‘Having two mommies is different, but is it ok?’ [Kids] all come with a bit of baggage, even from liberal families.” -BK

In movies and on TV the dialogue may be emotionally fraught, but proceeds smoothly. In real life, we have to write our scripts and deliver them at the same time, and the results (at my house anyway) are rarely pretty. Even when I eventually get across the point I was just realizing was the truly important one, I often feel I haven’t done it very well. But my research shows that movie-perfect smoothness matters much less than we parents think. Coming soon: why the “backstage tour” of a parent’s mind is better than a perfect performance.business is full of thoughts© Andres Rodriguez | Dreamstime Stock Photos

A FaceBook change everybody can love!

FaceBook has expanded its gender choices and added “preferred pronouns” as an option for users’ profiles, as reported here in the NY Daily News. It’s the inverse of the usual FaceBook “enhancement” that chisels another piece of your privacy to increase the creepiness factor of the ads you see: this change allows your public online image to be closer to what YOU want it to be.

Perhaps the best part is how normal this seems within the FaceBook empire. Quoting from the Daily News story linked above: “Really, there was no debate within Facebook about the social implications at all,” said Alex Schultz, director of growth. “It was simple: Not allowing people to express something so fundamental is not really cool so we did something. Hopefully a more open and connected world will, by extension, make this a more understanding and tolerant world.”

Thanks, FaceBook, and Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.

Opportunist?

Some see a bisexual label as a kind of taking advantage, or sort of gaming the system, in several ways. One is convenience: on college campuses, some women are called BUGs or LUGs (Bisexual or Lesbian Until Graduation).

“The implication is that you are not a REAL lesbian, you are just adapting to the lack of daily access to men and conforming to peer pressure at a women’s college. It’s such an insult….It implies that lesbian relationships are just practice for men.” -KL

“‘Lesbian with a boyfriend’ is a label you hear a lot, because women see the label of bisexual as apostasy to the lesbian cause. They’ve gone to all the trouble and pain of coming out and don’t want to go back. “ -GC

For some, the opportunism might just be a kind of mutual research project.

“Girls are declaring themselves lesbian and bisexual at younger and younger ages, like 14 and 15. Some are certain. Some react to their inundation with sex messages in the media and their fears of sex by deciding that experimenting with their own sex is easier…. Lots of lesbian girls experiment with boys too.” – SC

Another advantage, or reversal of a disadvantage, might be a reaction/defense mechanism where “hookup culture” is prevalent for men.

“I have a friend who says she is bisexual. She has dated women but rarely slept with them, and slept with several men but never dated them.” -KL

Some women who claim bisexuality seem to be acting, in order to use heterosexual male fantasies for their own benefit.

‘Bisexual’ is a kind of showy label…. Sometimes they hook up with women [meaning making out] in front of men just to get more male attention. – KL

What does your teen say about these ideas? 

See also this post about why the idea of change in someone’s attractions seems so terrifying.

Fluidity is Scary

So you’re 16, and you’ve had a couple of crushes on boys turn into enough of a relationship each time that you changed your status on Facebook and, OMG so did he, and the endings were temporarily tragic and more lastingly awkward, but it all seems pretty par for the course until you find yourself head-over-heels and giddily blindsided by a much deeper love…for a girl. What does that mean?

Are you a real lesbian? Or, if the “you” above is male, are you NOT a real gay guy? That was just puppy love before? Are you actually bisexual? Will you ever fall in love with a boy again? And if you do, what would THAT mean? Can you trust your own feelings? Can sexual orientation re-orient? How do you explain this to your friends? To your ex?

What does the research say? This is a relatively new area. Some work suggests changeable attractions might be more common for women than for men, but maybe only because it has been more studied to date. Lisa Diamond: “After all, if female sexuality is fluid, one might argue that we shouldn’t bother distinguishing between lesbians and bisexuals to begin with. Perhaps all lesbians are ‘potential bisexuals’ and vice versa. Yet this would make sense only if all women appeared to be equally plastic in their sexuality, and the findings of this study suggest that this is not the case. Rather, some women appear to experience (and perceive the possibility for) greater change in their attractions and behaviors than others, and these women appear most likely to adopt non-lesbian labels or to change labels over time, even if they are predominantly attracted to women.” [1]

Diamond’s study seems to open a dangerous avenue for anti-gay proponents. If sexuality is in fact changeable, and if at least some women feel a certain degree of choice in the matter, does that allow for moral judgment, that is, a “better” form of sexuality that one should choose or move toward?

Just because a pattern of attraction might shift over time doesn’t mean we control the shift, any more than we control the attractions.  Human history across the spectrum shows our utter lack of control over the who in our attractions. Think back: haven’t you been mystified or even embarrassed by feeling that zing for someone completely unexpected? Sometimes those attractions are not appropriate to act on (one’s teacher, someone in a committed relationship, etc.), but what if the gender of the person who inspired the zing were the only part outside of your pattern of “appropriate” attractions?

Diamond told Troy Williams in an interview in 2009, “there were women who I studied who identified as bisexual but experienced their bisexuality as something that had more to do with a particular relationship they were in, rather than a stable trait.  They say, ‘I thought I was heterosexual and then I fell in love with this woman. I don’t know what that means, and I don’t know what will happen in the future.’  That open-endedness is why bisexuality gets stigmatized….The majority of women who experience any same-sex attractions at all, actually tend to experience attractions for both men and women…. This is an idea that many people find very threatening.  It’s much more comfortable for the culture at large to imagine that everyone fits into a gay or straight box.” [2]

“If you’re bi, you get pressure to choose. You can’t be both, socially.” – PO
What if your sexual attraction pattern could change, say, next month? What about that is so scary? I think there are 2 things: it would seem to make a long-term successful relationship with anybody more unlikely, and it means we are all in danger of being in this minority for whom life is harder.
So is there any truth to the stereotype of bisexuals having a lower probability of a long-term relationship? Maybe it’s the opposite.  Lisa Diamond, citing her 10-year longitudinal study, found, ” At the beginning of the study, when women were in their teens and early 20s, they tended to be involved in multiple successive relationships, and their ratio of same-sex to other-sex sexual contact tended to parallel their attractions. Yet 10 years later, most women had settled down into committed monogamous relationships (70% of the T5 lesbians, 89% of the T5 bisexuals, 85% of the T5 unlabeled women, and 67% of the T5 heterosexuals).”[3] (“T5” refers to the fifth biannual study time point; some subjects had labeled themselves differently at other time points.)
This study sample was only 79 women, so we can’t say definitively that women who call themselves bisexual in their 30’s are more likely to be in a successful long-term relationship than either their lesbian or straight peers, but it might just be so.
Now, what about the implication that we all could just “turn”  bisexual tomorrow? Then, we wouldn’t actually be in a minority at all….

What do your teens think about this? Is bi “trendy” in their school? So they feel the “pressure to choose?”

 


[1] Diamond, L. M. (2000). Sexual identity, attractions, and behavior among young sexual-minority women over a two-year period. Developmental Psychology, 36, 241-250

[3]Diamond, L. M. (2008). Female bisexuality from adolescence to adulthood: Results from a 10-year longitudinal study. Developmental Psychology, 44, 5-14.